The Ghouls of the Automotive World

There’s little more than a week until Halloween when the ghouls of the underworld come out to play with the humans. But the ghouls of the automotive world are out all year long, riding among the normal sedans, crossovers and sports cars unnoticed…until now. In celebration of the spookiest day of the year, we’re going to call out the spookiest cars ever made.

Ghoul #1: Yugo

Okay, so you really don’t see many Yugos out and about among the Camrys, Accords, F-150s and Camaros of today, but who could deny that the Yugo deserves to be called a monster of automotive engineering? The Yugo was manufactured in Soviet-controlled Yugoslavia in the mid-70s and 80s. We’re fairly certain that the same scientists and engineers who spurred on the Space Race could do better than designing a car that requires necessary timing belt changes every 40,000 miles…meaning the Yugo was a Cold War strategy meant to frustrate Western drivers.

Most of these cars have since died, so if you see one, you are in the presence of a zombie. In the event of zombie sighting, keep your hands on the steering wheel. If you must record the harbinger of the apocalypse, have your friend in the passenger seat control the video phone.

Ghoul #2: Porsche Cayenne

We think for a brief time Porsche hired Dr. Frankenstein as their chief designer. Who else would try to piece together sports car performance and get-all-the-camping-gear-we’re-heading-to-the-lake storage capacity in one vehicle?

We’re something of car purists, which requires difficult choices:

  • 240+ hp
  • Track speeds nearing or exceeding 150 mph
  • 0-60 mph acceleration in under 10 seconds

OR

  • 20+ cubic feet of cargo room
  • 5,000+ lbs towing capacity

Attempting to create a hybrid has only resulted in something abominable…and monstrously expensive.

Ghoul #3: Aston Martin Wagon 

We’re not sure when or if this beast has been unleashed yet, but…yikes! We saw this: on Twitter (courtesy of @AsianMartin) over a month ago. Given, it’s kinder on the eyes than the Lagonda, but we still can’t think of any context where this sort of automotive ogre is necessary, at least not until Disney buys the James Bond franchise and explores the life of 007 after marriage and kids.

In their search for innovation, these automakers have seemingly tapped into the same mutant energy that produced the Green Goblin, but at least we know from other horror flicks that good conquers evil and everything is okay in the daylight.

Have a safe and happy Halloween!